the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
