if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
