well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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