i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
