I wanna bring you to show and tell
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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