True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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