you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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