I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
