i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
