Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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