its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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