She is in my trunk
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
