fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Sober January is a disaster.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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