We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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