no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
