just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
