Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Im part way to drunk.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize