shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
