have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
