i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
