Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize