anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
