I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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