thus making me awesome and them whores
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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