Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
