Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
