It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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