And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
