you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
