Buhtt sex?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
