my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My bed smells like the plague
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