I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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