I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
