Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
