I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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