I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
