I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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