dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
