Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
foreskin is a definite game changer
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
