I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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