I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
