Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
