we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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