Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
