On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
