I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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