i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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