she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
