the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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