How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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