What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
