We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
