Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
