Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
