If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
