I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
