She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
