love makes seman taste better
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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