EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
