Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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