I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
