u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize