Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
