My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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