i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize