found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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