Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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