Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize