So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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