Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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