we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
