I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
